Alkaline magic is happening in this bartender’s Hollywood kitchen. Last night’s dinner was a smashing success. Roasted wild salmon, steamed spinach with freshly grated ginger, and a sweet potato that needed nothing more than a stint in a hot oven and some salt sprinkled on top after I split its skin to reveal steamy, orange perfection.

I could get used to this lifestyle.

As much as I’ve reveled in the yoga-coffee-whiskey-cigarette routine for the past several years as a bartender, it took a toll on my stomach. Millions of Americans will agree, I’m sure, that chronic acid reflux hurts, like a dull, hot knife rubbing against the inner walls of the esophagus. Tired of living with constant pain, and unsatisfied with the temporary high I derived from guzzling spirits, which only stoked the internal fire, I decided to seek out a cure, or at least some relief.

Now, it seems, I’ve found a remedy. Sticking steadfastly to a list of reflux-friendly foods that all contain a pH of 5 or above, as well as twice-daily shots of organic, SoCal-grown aloe vera juice, known for its soothing properties, and a minimum of eight glasses of filtered, alkaline water per day, I’m concocting meals to heal my damaged digestive tissues, and they’re tasty to boot.

Breakfast, I’ll admit, was less exciting: watermelon, coffee (it’s acidity cut with a generous splash of soy milk), and oatmeal, a bowl full o’mush, like my brain at the end of a Saturday night behind the bar. For lunch, however, a protein-packed, spinach- and salmon-based superfood salad revved my taste buds into party mode.

This Cinco de Drink-o I’m abstaining from the usual slew of tequila shots, tacos, and Pacíficos and opting instead to write, munch, and heal.

I’ll be back to my whiskey-drinking ways in no time. Hopefully, when I return, I will discover the proverbial happy medium we call moderation. For the next couple of weeks, however, I’ll wallow in this rare opportunity to live the good life as nature would recommend, feeding from her bounty. With its silence, my stomach expresses gratitude.